Are You In Love? Or Are You Drunk?
The PEA Cocktail!

If you answered #3 you are correct!

When couples fall in love they tend to see only the positive and sacred aspects of their partner, ignoring completely the negative and dark side of that partner. Nature wants life to go on and to expand, so nature pushes us to meet, mate and procreate. The chemistry of being "in love" is powerful.

Remember when he called ten times a day? Remember when every time the phone rang how excited you would be? Remember when she fixed a four course meal for you every time you went to her condo, the condo was spotless and her outfit was outrageous and very sexy? This "in love" causes infatuation that is by definition foolish, fantasy, and a shallow love. The chemical phenylalanine (PEA) triggers dopamine, the pleasure neurotransmitter, as well as norepinephrine, the chemical that triggers a sense of urgency and the testosterone levels are elevated. When couples have "in-love" sex they are flooded with oxytosin. Oxytosin is the hormone that is found in a nursing mother's milk, which bonds the baby and the mother. Hence, new lovers form a very strong bond -- for a while!

If you have a broken interpersonal bridge, a dysfunctional attachment, you are a sitting duck for love addiction and the pseudoconnection caused by the chemistry of the "in-love" state.

The PEA cocktail wears off in three to thirty-six months and the couple returns to their normal chemical and hormone levels. Creating a healthy, secure attachment will depend on how much each person has developed his/her sense of selfhood, emotional literacy and relationship skills. The PEA Cocktail is the gift of love. Now couples need to do the work of love. If there are wounds from the past they need to be grieved. Ungrieved wounds either from childhood or past relationships become projections on your new partner. Skills need to be mastered and used daily. Some of those skills are: learning how to express you wants and needs, listening, gifting, putting one's self aside in kindness and compromise, fighting fair without destructiveness, and developing an "I and thou" kind of respect for each other as unique, valued, and incomparable person.