PAIRS - Frequently Asked Questions about

1. Is PAIRS more like a classroom setting or is it like group therapy?
   PAIRS is more like a classroom. The leader presents material and participants ask questions and practice skills with coaching available.
    
2. My spouse dislikes therapy. How is PAIRS different?
   PAIRS teaches to a group of people and does not single out anyone. Participants can sit back and learn without saying a word if they so choose. No practice exercises are forced upon participants.
    
3. But what if I just hate groups?
   Would I have to talk in front of people I do not know?
   Many people who "hate" groups love PAIRS. No one EVER has to talk in front of the group. You can learn just from hearing other people share. The group ultimately provides a safe place to try out new skills and feels, for most people, very accepting. It also allows people to see courage and growth in others. Participants often state that they finally realize how normal they are in their own struggles.
    
4. Is there a predictable agenda to the courses?
   Definitely. Each PAIRS course has a given set of skills to cover in the time scheduled.
    
5. How many participants are present for a PAIRS program?
   It varies. An average size is 24 participants. I've had as many as 36 and as few as 6.
    
6. My partner and I have already had private couples counseling.
   How can PAIRS help us?
   PAIRS is different in several ways from private counseling and is not intended to compete with or replace one to one work with your therapist. PAIRS can be useful as an addition to private counseling. What I have noticed in my private practice is 10 years ago people had more time and less money. In 2005 money isn't always the problems with young couples. To come to therapy every week for an hour or two is more difficult than it used to be. Often the couple waits until they are ready to see an attorney, but on the way they try one more time with therapy. What these couples need are many skills, FAST, to give them HOPE. Then, with the hope, therapy can assist in resolving the issues. So, having a PAIRS course gives the couple needed time.
    
7. I really don't think that we can make the radical changes because of all our commitments (kids, jobs, time pressures, financial obligations, business or school commitments.)
   What can PAIRS do for us if we are so busy?
   We find that most people who take PAIRS are very busy people. Part of the commitment to take PAIRS is to set aside time and to make YOUR RELATIONSHIP A PRIORITY. Schedule a week-end, make it into a vacation if you can. Ask grandmother and grandfather to come stay with the children and check into a near-by hotel. Turn the cell phone to vibrate and only pick up if it's the grandparents calling. Your relationship needs time.
    
8. We've been married for more than 20 years.
   Can the PAIRS program help us change after all these years?
   SURE. We've seen tremendous changes people can make, even when they have been married for 50 years. We find that it's not the length of time married, it's the desire and commitment to change and grow and experience joy that makes the difference. PAIRS sometimes enables people to rekindle a spark that becomes a wonderfully pleasurable relationship again.
    
9. Do the classes and the other PAIRS activities help us develop a good plan for  our marriage in the future?
   YES. There are five seminars with PAIRS classes. Often all five are given at one time. That is 120 hours of class. More often they will be given in five sessions of 2 or 3 days. By the time you graduate from the sessions, you and your partner will get to prepare a plan for where you want your marriage to be in six months and beyond. We find that when you have a plan, you are more likely to reach your goals.
    
10. I'm not in a relationship right now. I'm lonely, but frankly I'm scared  to try again. How can PAIRS help a single person like me?
    PAIRS helps singles know themselves better and helps them discover more about healthy relationships. Singles have told us that after taking the PAIRS classes, they feel more able to choose appropriate friendships or partnerships and they have an increased frame of reference for healthy pleasurable possibilities.
     
11. What kinds of people go through the PAIRS program?
    All kinds: young, old, middle aged; happy couples looking to find ways to experience even more joy; couples with "the attorney on hold... looking for one last ditch effort", people trying to decide if their partner is "the right one", singles looking to figure out what it takes to have a lasting relationship. The design of the curriculum and the psychoeducational modality enables all sorts of different people in different situations to grow and learn and change.
     
12. What is the "success rate" of PAIRS?
    EXCELLENT!! People have made important decisions, have grown and bonded together in healthy ways or have been able to leave relationships that were not healthy or safe. Countless marriages have been saved. People learned to experience real joy and love.